


The Donovan Files

by suckasstakenames



Category: South Park
Genre: Clyde's Family, Craig's Gang, Dating, Family, Friendship, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-19 08:10:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20327893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suckasstakenames/pseuds/suckasstakenames
Summary: Clyde writes a diary about the wacky and wonderful things he gets up to each day.[[ drabble I wrote for Clyde Week 2019 on tumblr. Each day represents each prompt. Modding it AND submitting for it was probably not the wisest idea rip ]]





	1. Stupidity is a charm

**Author's Note:**

> It's not much but it's something to celebrate my baby boy's special week!! More chapters to come!

So my therapist told me I need to write a diary. She says I gotta de-stress and get all of my emotions out of my head and onto paper. I’m not all that good at writing, but she said it doesn’t matter, and that the important part is that I talk about how I feel. I guess it’s alright...so long as none of the guys get their hands on it. That’d be really lame.

So…yeah. It’s me. Ya boy. The DonoMan himself. 

What do people even write in diaries? Don’t girls usually write about cute boys and shit? Does the therapist want to know who I'm crushing on or something?? You can bet your _ass_ that I’ve made my way into a few chick’s diaries…

...

Um….

What did I do today? 

I just went to school…......came home......…took a nap…......ate spaghetti for dinner.......…went to bed at like 10pm because I was spent…........slid into Jessica Rodriguez’s dms...

Oh! I guess _that_ happened.

It was my turn to give my presentation in homeroom today. I chose to do it about bugs because, as the greatest bug/human hybrid superhero in the whole neighbourhood, I thought it would be cool to educate my classmates about my fam, you know? I showed up in full costume, made sure to tell everybody that I made the whole thing myself. Because chicks love creative guys.

So I started talking about mosquitos and how they suck blood and stuff. I was sounding super confident and not fucking anything up. But then Wendy. _Wendy fucking Testaburger_. She pipes up with: “You do know that the male mosquitos don’t actually suck blood, right?”

So I was like…....okay. Let’s just pretend that didn’t happen and move on...

Not even a minute later, she informs me that mosquitos don’t actually eat each other after mating, and that's what a praying mantis did. The girls started laughing then. Ok MAYBE I clicked the wrong thing when I was researching mosquitos, it isn’t THAT funny…

And then to top it all off, she points out that I spelt zika as ‘zeeker’. I have dsylexia okay??? Ha. ha.

…dislexia? deslexia? _dsylecsia?_ I don’t know.

And by now most of the girls were laughing at me. And Mr Garrison didn’t give a shit because he’s Mr Garrison. It may as well have been Wendy’s presentation instead of mine. Girls can be cruel sometimes. She’s lucky she’s pretty, or I don’t think I’d like her very much right now.

I guess I’ll write more tomorrow…who knows what’ll happen.

P.s. Google said it’s spelled dyslexia after all. I wasn’t that far off!!!


	2. Friends are life, bro!

The funfair in town opened today, and I asked Token, Jimmy and the homos to come with me after school. We went a little while after they opened the doors, and the place was overflowing with kids from our school. There were a ton of rides, game stalls, face-painting…..it was just like the scene at the end of Grease. Only without the flying car  ☹

We walked in and I immediately got tempted by the cotton candy they were selling. I ate it within like ten minutes and then threw it all back up after riding one of the roller coasters. That wasn’t fun. However not long after, I was back in the saddle. Shruggin’ it off like it was nuthin! (until I threw up again on the ferris wheel)

Did I mention Token paid for like, everything?? What a guy. I would _marry_ him.

After that, we took Tweek on the ghost train. Why did we take Tweek on the ghost train? Who’s terrible idea was that?  <strike> Actually I think it was my idea... </strike>

He got a prize for doing it though! Craig won him a big panda bear plushie, I was super jealous. I sucked massive hairy balls at that ring toss game. Jimmy said I almost hit the guy in the stall. _Oof._

There was one of those tall drop tower rides too. I went on it with Token and Craig, and Jimmy stayed with Tweek (he needed a break after that haunted house fiasco). Craig actually LOST HIS SHOE while we were riding…it was the funniest thing ever. Some poor unsuspecting victim would’ve had Craig’s sneaker hit them square in the head. That should teach him to tie his shoes properly, lazy bastard!

To top off a kickass day, we even ate dinner at KFC! Anyone who knows me personally knows I’m WEAK for KFC. It’s the second best thing to Taco Bell. That’s how you win the key to my heart! (For any potential girls  peepin' thru this diary in the future…wink wink)

I’m pretty glad the day ended on a high. School was long and tiring, and we had two tests. **TWO**. Math and History. Gross. I think if it weren’t for the guys I would 100% not go to school. But they only make me 75% hate it…actually maybe less than that. I don’t know. But they make it bearable. It’s the reason I get up in the morning anyway.


	3. Fam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Clara is Clyde's older sister! It's just a hc name I gave her!

So I spent my Saturday night at a baby shower for my sister. Most of the people there were Clara’s fiancé’s family, so I didn’t know anyone. It was a little boring to be honest, so I hit up the group chat so that they’d entertain me for the night. I felt bad because I didn’t really talk to my sister a whole lot...she was surrounded by a ton of family and friends and it wasn’t really a place for me anyway.

I mean, I’m definitely happy for her! Not so much for her fiancé though. He’s an asshole. Not to mention ugly...…yikes. It’s like she picked him up from the zoo...

I remember when they moved into their new house and I met him for the first time, one of the first things he said to me was “_you wasn’t what I was expecting you to be like_”. Uhhhh……what is that supposed to mean? What did you expect me to look like, Clara with a beard or something?? What the hell?! He likes talking down to me too, like I’m lesser than him just because I’m younger. Give me a break...

But Clara’s a good person, you know? She does a lot of charity work and stuff; it’s one of the reasons why she doesn’t visit me and dad too often. She likes to make herself busy all the time, too busy for any kind of social life in fact. I feel kinda bad for her. I wouldn’t be able to do what she did, I’d be way too miserable.

I don’t think dad understands it though. He often complains about how she never makes time for us. Like she purposely avoids us or something. But to me, she looks more and more exhausted each time I see her. And it isn’t going to get any better once she pops the kid out. It’ll only get worse from there. 

Speaking of the kid, she also did a gender reveal. I’m gonna have a baby nephew! I'm definitely gonna make him into a little stud when he’s old enough. My dad’s a grandad now too, I don’t think he’d appreciate that title too much. And my mom…....she would’ve been a grandma. She’d be ecstatic, she always said she loved how cute babies and toddlers are, and she hated seeing me and my sister grow up. 

But hey, I’m still cute.......right mom?


End file.
